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like the snows of November,
(lightly, timid in askance)
you will return to me

in due time;
without fail—you will return
to me

and my hesitant heart
(retreating, retreating, retreating)
will be a far-off beacon at dusk
to your false ardor, a poetry of obdurate conceit
—whose interval seems unceasing;

All darkness and brooding winds
You twine and spin in savage dance
(quickening, hastening some new spell)

But failing, failing … failing

while this distance increases (curing
past injuries);
the suffering amid our pleading eyes (yours
of forgiveness, mine for freedom)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2008-08-01
In Snows of November, by ~neoHephaestus, we explore the give-and-take of those doomed and determined to return. ( Featured by GeneratingHype )
LaRomanceWriter Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Student Writer
I love this piece!
neoHephaestus Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for stopping by. :)
ascelin Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2009
As much as I have always enjoyed your graphic work, I believe I enjoy your written work even more.

The honest sincerity in every words makes the pieces from you always enjoyable(if not bittersweet sometimes) to read.
Crayola-PixXxi Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2008
wow...I truely love this...good job!
DarkenedBeauty Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2008
wow. just wow.
passiveye Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
yes, very good. :D ill be sure to read your other work..
ElementalFae Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
wisteria2262 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
very nice! i'd love it if you could check out my poetry.
Pir12345 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
Very beautiful poem. You're really talented writer! :D
beautifulxblackxrose Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008   Traditional Artist
its beautiful!
ciaconna Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
Lovely - it rolls very nicely when read aloud, and I particularly like the ending.
Starcrossed-Eyeliner Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
:heart: you shall live youthfully and brilliantly forever
Jan-49 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
GoOd hUh ......
nIcE WoRk : )
vhartley Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008  Professional Digital Artist
This is a beautiful poem that really grabs the feelings of moving on after a relationship that should end. "mine for freedom" The last line really clenched the whole piece for me. You've created a wonderful work that really evokes the emotions associated with moving on while someone else tries to keep you from letting go. Fantastic. Well deserved DD.
Coconut-Soldier Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
That's beautiful...I wish I could write like that...
You're quite the poet!
Ratchet27 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
Your name is awesome!
Liffeymoon Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
This is stunning - you're extremely talented.

"and my hesitant heart
(retreating, retreating, retreating)
will be a far-off beacon at dusk"

This bit in particular stood out for me; beautiful word play and imagery.
K-Sajid Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
It's brilliant, I love the whole thing, specially how you nail it with the last stanza (the bit inside the brackets). It does come off a bit verbose on parts, but that's just me; erstwhile for instance is one word that breaks the flow every time I come across it while reading. But I have an annoying habit of sub-vocalizing :lol: It's very good otherwise.
Congrats on the DD.
Metalwolfe Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
Engrossing. Well thought out, and well set out as well. (I like it) =)
Myangelofmusic Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist

Enskie Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2007
I have noticed that you seem to use brackets and hyphens somewhat more than other people I have seen, far more so than myself. The usage of them is not unpleasant at all, more unclear to me. Why use them? I ask not as though to suggest that you should not but rather to inquire why use them rather than say, a comma.
Almost-Certain Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008  Student Writer
sorry to intrude, but when i use brackets and hyphens, its usually to draw attention to words or certain actions or phrases, and they can be so much more interesting than commas. Also, it allows the lines to flow without breaking them.... if that makes sense.

their placement is a little confusing in this piece though.
Enskie Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
You didn't intrude by any means. Thank you for the reply and for clarifying things for me. I do understand what you mean by allowing the lines to flow properly, without causing undue jolting and chaotic rhyme.
Almost-Certain Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008  Student Writer
im not one hundred... i think i meant it didn't disturb that idea, the idea in the lines, rather than jolting and chaotic rhyme hehe.

and my ideas might not be the same as anyone else's :)
BeccaJS Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2007   Writer

This deviation has been featured as a HotLit! Check out the news article here: [link]

anomalicious Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2007
Beautiful. I love the interplay of light and dark in this piece. There is a lovely duality in the 4th stanza "all darkness and brooding winds" that could be applied to internal/external storms. There is a lovely rhythm to the line (retreating, retreating, retreating) that echoes a heartbeat, playing on the line before; the proximity to the word 'repeating' also has a place here, because the suggestion of repetition leads back to the cycle of seasons/return of the other. This is just a wonderful construction, and a sensitive rendering of emotion.

My one criticism is that I'm not sure if that last line is really necessary. I believe that a lack of peace is implied by the preceeding stanza; in my opinion, that line of summary almost detracts from the craft of the rest of the poem.
Amy--Louise Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2007
First of all nice to see you ! :)

I see an interplay, a dance throughout. (Almost like subliminal man from SNL's golden years . . lol). or an internal struggle, angel on one shoulder . . .
I like it very much and think it speaks to the ambivalence of relationships. . .
I have a problem with the plural of souls in the last line. It should be soul, shouldn't it?
longslowclimb Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2007
almost perfect.

"(retreating, retreating, retreating)"
"But failing, failing … failing"

- the repetition messes up the flow and it lends it a certain cheesiness.

there are two many bits to this piece that come across as jaded against the flashes of brilliance.

"the suffering amid our pleading eyes." pleading eyes is way too mawkish.

"(yours of forgiveness, mine for freedom)," with the context of given paragraph this could possibly be restructured, just sounds trite for some reason.

while this distance increases (curing
past injuries) - i probably would not have used the phrase "past injuries" - too burgeois for this piece.

a few rough edges, other than that perfect...almost.
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2007

and in such fine form. (:
GeneratingHype Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2007
I believe you've just represented my entire relationship in one fine stroke. The first three stanzas, especially, are wonderful. The fourth stanza loses me a bit--or feels a bit disconnect from the rest--but I understand its purpose where it is.
Amy--Louise Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2008
i miss him too :)
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Submitted on
November 11, 2007
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